Dear Readers ( not like there are actually readers of this blog),
I went home for break to find out one of my guy friends from high school went off to college and dropped from a size XL to a size S in the three months I hadn't seen him. Also he found a girl friend.
I went to college gained like 20 pounds and developed a ulcer from stress and poor eating. The closest thing I have to a significant other it is the smiley face I draw on my toenails after painting them. I lead an extremely boring life. I came home last night from being at the school from 9 to 6 and instead of doing something fun like most college students are suppose to I sat on the couch watched a few hours of television while knitting. I stayed up until 10:30 to watch the Colbert Report and I thought I was staying up late. Safe to say my life kinda sucks right now.
After thinking about my idiot friend's life and my life I decided there needed to be some changes (either he needs to less cool or I need to lose weight and find myself a life). This is not the thing that people make when the numbers at the end of the year change. People never keep those. This is more of a challenge accepted. I saw my friend and said challenge accepted in my head. I can do that. Losing weight isn't hard; come on I can make a souffle, that's hard.
Keeping up with this challenge I went to work out thing morning. I live by the rule that you try not to be the fattest person in the gym, which is rather hard from me. I am not fat enough to have to waddle yet, but I fear if I gain anymore weight I will be walking like a penguin. I walked up the three flights of stairs to the top floor of my apartment where there is a workout room and got winded just doing that. When I finally got there I was pleased to see no one in building decided to lose weight this new year. After about ten minutes working out someone came into the gym. I was worried that they would be thin and make me feel even fatter, but it turned out to be an old man with a beer belly in a wife beater and jeans. Next to him I look like the athlete of the year.
So working out this morning wasn't so bad... I felt like I was going to throw up and now my legs kinda hurt. That's expected though so I shouldn't complain to much. My end goal is really to never get fat enough to be lifted out of my house with a crane. I think that is reasonable. Well I will keep telling you about my challenge cause I will win this one.
Lindsey
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Friday, December 21, 2012
SEA DRAGONS!
They exist I have seen them with my own eyes. The only thing that separated me from the most majestic creature on the celestial ball was about two inches of very thick plastic. I was in the presence of the most interesting, beautiful animal that has ever lived.
The much cooler cousin of the Sea Horse, Leafy Sea Dragons, Phycodurus eques, live on the coasts of Australia (which just makes an already awesome place better). The have leafy like limbs that help propel them throw the water with such ease and also help protect themselves from predators that want to consume them to take in their awesomeness. Most of the Leafy Sea Dragons are an orange read color. There is also another type of Sea Dragon called the Weedy Sea Dragon. From the name I know that right now you can tell they are less cool. They don't have as many leafy appendages. They are however still dragons and that makes them cooler than any Sea Horse that have ever lived. They are a lot like Sea Horses in the ways they bred. The males are pregnant instead of the women. (Goodness I wish I was a Sea Dragon.) They also have the long slender mouth that they use for feeding. Unlike Sea Horses their tails cannot be used for gripping, but why would they want to stay in one place when they can glide effortlessly through the water so that all may gaze upon their beauty.
There are only eight places in the United States that you are able to gauze upon the glory of these creates. The Shedd Aquarium, where I saw them, is one of these few places. If I were you I would get your buns over there and see these miracle. Sea Dragons like to be free and don't enjoy living in captivity. It is very hard to keep them in tanks. Attempts to bred them in captivity have failed. It is hard to obtain them because you can only own the ones bred in captivity. (I will however find a way to own one of these beauts someday.)
Leafy Sea Dragons are the coolest sea animal ever. There is no argument. I have seen them with my own eyes and even though they were a little blurry because of the tear (I might have started crying from the beauty) I could still tell that there is nothing that can compare to the shear awesomeness of these creatures.
Lindsey
Thursday, November 29, 2012
I AM A NOVELIST
Dear Readers!
I just want to say that I wrote a novel. It isn't published and I don't know if it ever will be, but it is done!!!
I wrote 89 pages. I wrote a novel. I couldn't be more excited!!!! It is finished!
I just wanted to let you know that!
I would go on some rant about how you do what you want if you just put your mind to it, and that it true but right now I am kinda too excited to give you a motivational speech!!
I DID IT BITCHES!!!!!!
Lindsey
I just want to say that I wrote a novel. It isn't published and I don't know if it ever will be, but it is done!!!
I wrote 89 pages. I wrote a novel. I couldn't be more excited!!!! It is finished!
I just wanted to let you know that!
I would go on some rant about how you do what you want if you just put your mind to it, and that it true but right now I am kinda too excited to give you a motivational speech!!
I DID IT BITCHES!!!!!!
Lindsey
Monday, October 22, 2012
What I Live For
Dear Readers,
The graph that shows me how many people have visited my blog is starting to look like a dying heart beat Hopefully that is not a metaphor for my blog dying. This blog is the one I have posted the most on, the one I have spent the most time on, and sometimes the one I like the most. So hopefully I comes back tonight. Knock on wood for me.
Tonight after watching two hours of Anthony Bourdian on the Travel Channel I am feeling inspired to blog. If you don't know this you obviously don't read my blog enough, I am in culinary school. I love food. Food has always been a central point in my life. The kitchen has always been a warm inviting place. As a kid I remember sitting on the floor of the kitchen and playing with tubberware instead of the normal kid toys in my room. I have always loved eating, and if you know me it shows. Food is my life.
Recently I have been thinking about my favorite foods. My comfort foods. The food that brings me back to a different time and place. Mostly happy places. I have never had the most acquired taste in food. To be truthfully honest I prefer my cookies, biscuits, pie crust, and frosting made with butter-flavored Crisco. I enjoy eating Hostess snacks. Meatloaf is one of my favorite foods. I eat Ramen. I eat minute rice. I eat way to much canned soup. And I like it all. Like I said my taste is not fancy.
Sure I like a good steak. I would eat snails everyday if I had the choice. Bread and olive oil was pretty much all I ate last week. Somehow though I don't prefer that to my meatloaf, green bean casserole, and mashed potatoes. That is the food I was raised on. That is the food I live for. I live for the warm cookies coming off the pan. I live for the box cake mix my mom would make on my birthday. Those foods show up in my memory.
I have started to wonder why me, a culinary student, would rather eat meatloaf then steak tartar. And after listen to my chef talk and talk and talk I think I have a very good idea. Those were the foods I was raised on. Those foods shaped my childhood. Countless times I sat on the kitchen floor and watched my mother make cookies from memory. At a very young age she taught me how to make these cookies. Those memories are happy ones. Now that I am away form my mom, and don't have the opportunity to get hug when I need one or have a meaningful conversation face to face those cookies feel like the best bear hug ever. While eating a zinger I can flash back to the wonderful younger days what my siblings and I would tag along grocery shopping and my om would by us treat just to shut us up.
Those memories are what pushed me to go to culinary school. I could not imagine my life without food. I could not imagine my life without THAT food.
So people can say all they want about my love for Orange Dream Bars (the only food that has moved me to tears), meatloaf, green bean casserole, butter flavored Crisco, box cake mix, and Ramen noodles. It won't phase. That food was special to me then, and it is still special to me now. I cannot wait till I see my family again and we sit down for a good family meal.
I could take a turn now and encourage you to find the thing you live for, but I am gonna skip all that shit. You have heard that countless times. You have been told from a young age to do what you love. You know that by know. What I really want you to do is think back. Try and remember the food you grandma made for you. Try and remember your favorite Christmas cookie out on the table at the holiday get-togethers. Try and remember the special snack from the store, the midnight binge of cold roast with the fridge door open, the birthday meals of years past, the picnic in your neighborhood park.
Plain and simple food is important. You really can't live without it (no matter how hard you try fashion models). Food shapes you just like the movies you see, the tv you watch, the books you read, and the people you spend time with. So go out there dear readers and find what food is important to you. Get the recipe from your great Grandma before she kicks the bucket. Talk to your mom about the cake she made when you were younger. And if you prefer store bought don't feel bad about grabbing that bow of Ho-Ho's off the shelf. Be proud of your food. Live for the shit because God knows you can't live with out it.
Your always hungry blogger,
Lindsey
The graph that shows me how many people have visited my blog is starting to look like a dying heart beat Hopefully that is not a metaphor for my blog dying. This blog is the one I have posted the most on, the one I have spent the most time on, and sometimes the one I like the most. So hopefully I comes back tonight. Knock on wood for me.
Tonight after watching two hours of Anthony Bourdian on the Travel Channel I am feeling inspired to blog. If you don't know this you obviously don't read my blog enough, I am in culinary school. I love food. Food has always been a central point in my life. The kitchen has always been a warm inviting place. As a kid I remember sitting on the floor of the kitchen and playing with tubberware instead of the normal kid toys in my room. I have always loved eating, and if you know me it shows. Food is my life.
Recently I have been thinking about my favorite foods. My comfort foods. The food that brings me back to a different time and place. Mostly happy places. I have never had the most acquired taste in food. To be truthfully honest I prefer my cookies, biscuits, pie crust, and frosting made with butter-flavored Crisco. I enjoy eating Hostess snacks. Meatloaf is one of my favorite foods. I eat Ramen. I eat minute rice. I eat way to much canned soup. And I like it all. Like I said my taste is not fancy.
Sure I like a good steak. I would eat snails everyday if I had the choice. Bread and olive oil was pretty much all I ate last week. Somehow though I don't prefer that to my meatloaf, green bean casserole, and mashed potatoes. That is the food I was raised on. That is the food I live for. I live for the warm cookies coming off the pan. I live for the box cake mix my mom would make on my birthday. Those foods show up in my memory.
I have started to wonder why me, a culinary student, would rather eat meatloaf then steak tartar. And after listen to my chef talk and talk and talk I think I have a very good idea. Those were the foods I was raised on. Those foods shaped my childhood. Countless times I sat on the kitchen floor and watched my mother make cookies from memory. At a very young age she taught me how to make these cookies. Those memories are happy ones. Now that I am away form my mom, and don't have the opportunity to get hug when I need one or have a meaningful conversation face to face those cookies feel like the best bear hug ever. While eating a zinger I can flash back to the wonderful younger days what my siblings and I would tag along grocery shopping and my om would by us treat just to shut us up.
Those memories are what pushed me to go to culinary school. I could not imagine my life without food. I could not imagine my life without THAT food.
So people can say all they want about my love for Orange Dream Bars (the only food that has moved me to tears), meatloaf, green bean casserole, butter flavored Crisco, box cake mix, and Ramen noodles. It won't phase. That food was special to me then, and it is still special to me now. I cannot wait till I see my family again and we sit down for a good family meal.
I could take a turn now and encourage you to find the thing you live for, but I am gonna skip all that shit. You have heard that countless times. You have been told from a young age to do what you love. You know that by know. What I really want you to do is think back. Try and remember the food you grandma made for you. Try and remember your favorite Christmas cookie out on the table at the holiday get-togethers. Try and remember the special snack from the store, the midnight binge of cold roast with the fridge door open, the birthday meals of years past, the picnic in your neighborhood park.
Plain and simple food is important. You really can't live without it (no matter how hard you try fashion models). Food shapes you just like the movies you see, the tv you watch, the books you read, and the people you spend time with. So go out there dear readers and find what food is important to you. Get the recipe from your great Grandma before she kicks the bucket. Talk to your mom about the cake she made when you were younger. And if you prefer store bought don't feel bad about grabbing that bow of Ho-Ho's off the shelf. Be proud of your food. Live for the shit because God knows you can't live with out it.
Your always hungry blogger,
Lindsey
Friday, September 21, 2012
Damn Dogs
Dear Readers,
I recently moved into an apartment. I love my apartment. It may be shitty. It may be one of the worst places I have lived. And it might remind me of a hotel, which is alright. The only difference between my apartment and a hotel is that there are no maids, no room service, I have to make my own bed, and there are dogs.
I hate dogs. I have never liked dogs. While all of the young girl were obsessed with puppies and had their cute little dog posters, I became a fan of pigs. I have never liked dogs.
When people ask me why I am not really sure what to say to them. I have been thinking recently and I now have the top five reasons I hate dogs.
1. They smell. Dogs can't bath themselves. They can't take showers, so of course they have no hygiene. They don't smell good unless their owners bath them, and truth be told they do not do that nearly enough. As a result of their lack of bathing, they always smell. Dogs get into more crap then humans, but we shower ever day. Why don't they? They always smell awful. Especially wet dogs. Agghh... I shudder just thinking about it.
2. They piss and shit everywhere. I was walking home today and I saw a dog just take a crap on a lawn and then the owner and the dog just walked away. Really?!?!?! I don't want to see human pull down their pants and take a good long piss on a wall so why would I want to see a dog do that? It's honestly ridiculous!!! It is gross! I don't want to smell your dogs shit, so pick it up or toilet train them!
3. They are noisy. Have you ever been sitting enjoying the quiet, and then out of no where some damn dog barks and whines and you are no longer happy? It happens to me all the time. I can hear the yippy dog three apartment down, and it just ruins my day.
4. They ruin conversations and are extremely distracting. Okay here is another situation for you. You are standing outside having a nice conversation with someone and then a dog goes by. They stop what they are saying and look at the damn dog. That takes about three minutes. Three minutes of lost conversation. Three minutes of watching someone freak out over a damn dog that isn't even cute. Damn dogs.
5. They are ugly. No matter how many people tell me that dogs are cute I will never agree. They are ugly, and that's all there is to it.
So fuck dogs. I hate them, and now you know why.
Lindsey
I recently moved into an apartment. I love my apartment. It may be shitty. It may be one of the worst places I have lived. And it might remind me of a hotel, which is alright. The only difference between my apartment and a hotel is that there are no maids, no room service, I have to make my own bed, and there are dogs.
I hate dogs. I have never liked dogs. While all of the young girl were obsessed with puppies and had their cute little dog posters, I became a fan of pigs. I have never liked dogs.
When people ask me why I am not really sure what to say to them. I have been thinking recently and I now have the top five reasons I hate dogs.
1. They smell. Dogs can't bath themselves. They can't take showers, so of course they have no hygiene. They don't smell good unless their owners bath them, and truth be told they do not do that nearly enough. As a result of their lack of bathing, they always smell. Dogs get into more crap then humans, but we shower ever day. Why don't they? They always smell awful. Especially wet dogs. Agghh... I shudder just thinking about it.
2. They piss and shit everywhere. I was walking home today and I saw a dog just take a crap on a lawn and then the owner and the dog just walked away. Really?!?!?! I don't want to see human pull down their pants and take a good long piss on a wall so why would I want to see a dog do that? It's honestly ridiculous!!! It is gross! I don't want to smell your dogs shit, so pick it up or toilet train them!
3. They are noisy. Have you ever been sitting enjoying the quiet, and then out of no where some damn dog barks and whines and you are no longer happy? It happens to me all the time. I can hear the yippy dog three apartment down, and it just ruins my day.
4. They ruin conversations and are extremely distracting. Okay here is another situation for you. You are standing outside having a nice conversation with someone and then a dog goes by. They stop what they are saying and look at the damn dog. That takes about three minutes. Three minutes of lost conversation. Three minutes of watching someone freak out over a damn dog that isn't even cute. Damn dogs.
5. They are ugly. No matter how many people tell me that dogs are cute I will never agree. They are ugly, and that's all there is to it.
So fuck dogs. I hate them, and now you know why.
Lindsey
Monday, September 3, 2012
No Hills to Frolic Through, Just a List of the Most Bitching Things Ever
Dear Readers,
Yesterday I was in a really bad mood. I had no faith in humanity. I was just about ready to forge into the forest and not look back. I was just about ready to abandon society and live off the land in some remote area. However today I feel more optimistic. After eating a fantastic breakfast, going outside, buying some chocolate, and watch many many hours of No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain the world has a wonderful shimmer to it. Everything seems bright and new. Hopefully there wasn't anything in the brownies I ate earlier...
In an almost response to yesterdays post I would like to share a few of my favorite things. I could start singing you A Few of My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music, but I don't have any mountains to frolic through I will spare you of that and just go on to listing shit.
Lindsey
Yesterday I was in a really bad mood. I had no faith in humanity. I was just about ready to forge into the forest and not look back. I was just about ready to abandon society and live off the land in some remote area. However today I feel more optimistic. After eating a fantastic breakfast, going outside, buying some chocolate, and watch many many hours of No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain the world has a wonderful shimmer to it. Everything seems bright and new. Hopefully there wasn't anything in the brownies I ate earlier...
In an almost response to yesterdays post I would like to share a few of my favorite things. I could start singing you A Few of My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music, but I don't have any mountains to frolic through I will spare you of that and just go on to listing shit.
- These have no particular order so I am going to use bullets instead of numbers. Okay lets start off with one of my life long loves. Food. I love food. I love all food. I even love shitty food because then it makes good food taste so much better. I just love food. I am more partial to desserts, but I love everything. I already mentioned that I watched and ungodly amount of No Reservations today. That show is amazing. It is basically following a super bad ass guy around the globe watching him eat some of the best looking food every made. My mouth was watering the whole time. So much food. So much meat. So much good looking stuff. I just wanted to eat everything. After watching the episode in Austin, I was tempted to jump on a plane and get my ass to Texas to eat some barbecue. I just don't think I could love food anymore.
- My second love, books. I love reading books. I love buying books. I love looking at books. I love holding books. Most of all I love smelling books. I love books the way some sluts love men. I don't think I could live without them. I love books like a fat kid loves cake (thank you 50 cent for that wonderful simile). I can honestly not say anything more because I can't even put my love into words that describe it.
- Now we are going to get a little more specific. Full belly laughing. What can be better then someone or yourself laughing whole heartedly? Throwing your head back and letting out a long strain of ha's feels so good. How can you not love your belly shaking and your sides feeling like they might cave in? There is nothing better for the soul (except fried chicken or chicken and noodles on mashed potatoes) then letting yourself laugh. Laughter is the best medicine, or is that morphine I am not really sure... But seriously laughing is the best!!
- Warm clothes. I know that doing the laundry sucks. It sucks even more that I have to pay $1.50 per load. However, there is one reward. Being able to fold clothes just coming out of the dryer. Oh yeah. They are warm, smell good, clean, and did I already say warm? Dryer clothes are the best. If I had a dryer in my apartment I would put on my pj pants straight from the warm goodness, but since my laundry room is on the 9th floor and it is not just my laundry room I can not do that. Even though sometimes I am tempted to just strip down right there; come on who needs more encouragement to strip then a warm pair of undies and pj pants.
- Your mom jokes. Honestly who doesn't love a good your mom joke at the right time. When the moment calls on it your mom jokes can be the funniest thing since people walking into poles. I got the best your mom joke story. This summer I worked at the pool. Of course some kids came to the pool that I hated, its only natural. Well this little shit was joking around with me and a co-worker one day. When my co-worker left to go out and guard, me and the little shit agreed the co-worker is a weird dude who does weird stuff. The little shit asks "what is the weirdest thing he has ever done?". A split second went by, and I honestly thought about some of the weird stuff he has done. But then the perfect thing crossed my mind, and before I could stop myself I said it. "Your Mom!!" I burned that kid so bad he had to go get some ice. It was great!! Most people I tell that to think I am awful and scold me for telling that to a kid, but this kid watches Tosh.O and has heard way worse then my harmless your mom joke. So if you are a nay sayer please leave and never come back. And if you don't like a good your mom joke every once and a while then let me show you the little x button at the top right of your screen.
Lindsey
Sunday, September 2, 2012
The New and Improved List of Grievances
Dear Readers,
College... Its the life! I sit on my ass, get up make some food, go to class, come back, some more sitting, maybe some cleaning, and eventually some mind numbing interweb surfing. Hooray for college!!
Well during my internet surfing today I found one of the most retarded things I have ever found on the internet. After that I boarded a train of thought of all of the things I hate in the world. So now I will impart my superior wisdom and infinite knowledge to you.
I now start my list of grievances.
1. Here is the absolutely stupid thing I found on the interweb tonight.
2. Besides people I hate elevators. My new apartment building has really shitty elevators. I swear every time the little bell dings to say it has reached my floor my life flashes before my eyes and I say a really quick pray apologizing for all of the awful things I have done. Here is the part where you are sitting there thinking 'why not just take that stairs. are you to fat to get off your lazy ass and walk down the stairs'. Well no jackass I am not that lazy, but my shitty apartment building has emergency exit only stairs. They do not go out to the first floor. They go out to the parking lot and they have an alarm on the door. It's like this buliding wants me to die, either from obesity or a fatal elevator crash. I hate elevators. What is wrong with stairs?
3. Other blogs. While stumbling around on the internet I come across many many many many blogs. And most of them suck. My blogs don't suck. I am not stupid. Many of those shitty ass girl blogs could be written by spastic monkeys for all I know. They are just so awful. If I see one more blog about how some mom like being a stay at home mom, baking for her kids, making shitty crafts, and being a wife I think I might blow out my brains. The very same people polluting the internet with the sewage, corrupt the dessert industry. To many old washed up ladies think they don't need proper training to bake things. They know how to make frosting and open up a box cake mix, so that means they can jump on the band wagon and make money by decorating cakes and making desserts. I will let you in on a secret, you can't do that. Baking like any other profession takes training and experience. So until you go to school or study under some famous French chef stop! Stop making your dumb cupcakes, and please for everyone on the internet stop blogging about it.
4. Okay I am just going to leave it at three things today because I basically hate everything and my hand would cramp and your eyes would dry out before I could list all of my grievances.
Please for the love of all that is good and pure in the world stop being retarded and follow me rules!!!!
Lindsey
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