The "L" Word

Dear Readers,

Soooo.... it's coming up.
Valentine's Day.
The day that most girls in relationships look forward to and most single girls dread.
I am one of the weird single girls who loves Valentine's Day. I have already mailed out and made about 20 cards. My apartment has been decorated for about a month. I have plans with some chocolate cake and the couch on Thursday.
I personally believe that Valentine's Day is not just for couples. It is for love. I have a lot of love in my life (a lot of hate too). I have my family and friends. I love them and I believe most love me.
Today however I don't feel in a love dovey mode. The "l" word of the day is loathing. I loath lots of things today.
Lets start out with the laundry. My laundry was in the washer and I guess some guy needed the washer so bad so he moved my shit. Don't move my shit. That is just rude. But that wasn't even the worst part. I washed a pen with my whites. It got on my chef coat. It won't come out. I want to kill small puppies now (not like I like puppies normally anyway). I loath the person who invented gel pens. They are impossible to get out of fabric (they also make it impossible to acetone wash checks) that dumb ass. I loath him. I loath laundry and pens and idiots.
Most of all right now I loath my roommate who thinks that her watching Ghost Adventures is more important than me watching some mind numbing performances on the Grammy's. Seriously? That is a super stupid show. It is soooo not important than me watching t.v. I kinda loath her in general and this is annoying. Because her stupidity I got bored and decided to write this angsty blog post, and for that you will probably loath me.
I am just full of loathing today and it's not very fitting for this week of love...
I just kinda hate the world.
uuuuggghhh....
loathing.
Lindsey

I am FAT not HANDICAP!!

Dear Readers,

The fat girl workouts continue. This morning I did some butt busting exercises. Now my buns and thighs kill!!! I am not super model thin yet, but I don't know if I ever want to get there.
Last night I was talking to my roommate about being fluffy. We are both wonderfully full figured women so she can relate to my tales. I was retelling the times of running the mile in physical education (which is the dumbest class ever). I was always last finishing the mile. The assholes who finished before me thought it would be just so kind to stand near the end and cheer me on. That was a mistake. When you make a fat person run the mile they won't be happy already, so don't stand there and mock them for running slow. You think you are helping by cheering on the pudgy kid coming in last but you're not, you're making it worse.
When I was in tracking in middle school (I was forced to be in the sport, it was not my choice. Fat people shouldn't run) the entire track team came to run with me. That was even worse than cheering. It's not like I had a bum leg or had some disease that cause my legs to be crippled. I could run just fine, but I was FAT not DISABLED. Being fat does make it harder to run, but no cheering or running with me would help. I just don't understand these people thinking. "Hey that fat girl is running really slow. I don't know if she can make it one more block to the school. Maybe if we have the whole team of 50 teens go run with her then she would run faster..." Yeah she will run faster because she wants to run away from the humiliation.
Next time you feel like it would be a good idea to cheer on a fatty rethink it. We don't need your acknowledgement of how slow we are. We are know we are walking up that last hill. We know that our time will be really slow and a few more seconds really won't both us. So don't even open your mouth. Don't even move to watch us wobble across the finish line.
To you fluffy people who understand me, carry on. You are perfectly fine. Running? Whats the need? People used to run from dinosaurs, wild animals, other people, and bad shit like that but now we have cars so there is absolutely no need to do that. If any one every tries to cheer you on look them dead in the eye and tell them to shove it because you are fat not handicap.
Lindsey

Fat Girl Work Out #3

Dear Readers,

I am really lazy. I haven't worked out for like 2 days. I guess my bed didn't want me leaving in the morning. My bed and I have a very good relationship going on and I didn't want to upset it by leaving to early. I was able to drag my lazy ass out of bed this morning. I worked out while waiting for laundry so that was like killing two birds with one stone I guess.
One good thing about working out early in the morning on weekends is that no one is in the gym. I can dance and look retarded and no one sees me. Expect maybe the front desk person watching me on the cameras... OH Well!!
I am still having a hard time resisting cupcakes and desserts so working out really has no affect but I am trying dear readers. Well right now I am still pleasantly plump so that's it.
Lindsey

Fat Girl Work Out #2

Dear Readers,

So I guess I am still going to try and workout. It probably won't do much if I keep eating everything I see, but baby steps right. Last night I was healthy and made a taco salad and then decided to top off supper with some bread pudding. Probably not the best choice.
My work out today was pretty much the same. Even the old man was there again. I think he will probably be there at the same time as me every morning. At least I found a new workout partner. Let's see who can get fit faster the chubby culinary student who inhales everything in sight or the old man who is probably a war veteran in a wife beater and a pair of Velcros. The odds are stacked against the budding chef. She won't stop eating and she is sticking pretty heavily to the cardio machines. The old man might win this round. He is doing a variety of exercises ranging from arm and leg lifts to walking on the treadmill.  This will be a close one. Tune in next time to see who belly starts shrinking.

Lindsey

P.S. One positive thing come from this though, I am using more of the monthly internet limit I get on my phone because I listen to Pandora more. Using what I pay for I guess.

Fat Girl Work Out #1

Dear Readers ( not like there are actually readers of this blog),

I went home for break to find out one of my guy friends from high school went off to college and dropped from a size XL to a size S in the three months I hadn't seen him. Also he found a girl friend.
I went to college gained like 20 pounds and developed a ulcer from stress and poor eating. The closest thing I have to a significant other it is the smiley face I draw on my toenails after painting them. I lead an extremely boring life. I came home last night from being at the school from 9 to 6 and instead of doing something fun like most college students are suppose to I sat on the couch watched a few hours of television while knitting. I stayed up until 10:30 to watch the Colbert Report and I thought I was staying up late. Safe to say my life kinda sucks right now.
After thinking about my idiot friend's life and my life I decided there needed to be some changes (either he needs to less cool or I need to lose weight and find myself a life). This is not the thing that people make when the numbers at the end of the year change. People never keep those. This is more of a challenge accepted. I saw my friend and said challenge accepted in my head. I can do that. Losing weight isn't hard; come on I can make a souffle, that's hard.
Keeping up with this challenge I went to work out thing morning. I live by the rule that you try not to be the fattest person in the gym, which is rather hard from me. I am not fat enough to have to waddle yet, but I fear if I gain anymore weight I will be walking like a penguin. I walked up the three flights of stairs to the top floor of my apartment where there is a workout room and got winded just doing that. When I finally got there I was pleased to see no one in building decided to lose weight this new year. After about ten minutes working out someone came into the gym. I was worried that they would be thin and make me feel even fatter, but it turned out to be an old man with a beer belly in a wife beater and jeans. Next to him I look like the athlete of the year.
So working out this morning wasn't so bad... I felt like I was going to throw up and now my legs kinda hurt. That's expected though so I shouldn't complain to much. My end goal is really to never get fat enough to be lifted out of my house with a crane. I think that is reasonable. Well I will keep telling you about my challenge cause I will win this one.
Lindsey

SEA DRAGONS!

Dear Readers,

They exist I have seen them with my own eyes. The only thing that separated me from the most majestic creature on the celestial ball was about two inches of very thick plastic. I was in the presence of the most interesting, beautiful animal that has ever lived.
The much cooler cousin of the Sea Horse, Leafy Sea Dragons, Phycodurus eques, live on the coasts of Australia (which just makes an already awesome place better). The have leafy like limbs that help propel them throw the water with such ease and also help protect themselves from predators that want to consume them to take in their awesomeness. Most of the Leafy Sea Dragons are an orange read color. There is also another type of Sea Dragon called the Weedy Sea Dragon. From the name I know that right now you can tell they are less cool. They don't have as many leafy appendages. They are however still dragons and that makes them cooler than any Sea Horse that have ever lived. 
They are a lot like Sea Horses in the ways they bred. The males are pregnant instead of the women. (Goodness I wish I was a Sea Dragon.) They also have the long slender mouth that they use for feeding. Unlike Sea Horses their tails cannot be used for gripping, but why would they want to stay in one place when they can glide effortlessly through the water so that all may gaze upon their beauty.  
There are only eight places in the United States that you are able to gauze upon the glory of these creates. The Shedd Aquarium, where I saw them, is one of these few places. If I were you I would get your buns over there and see these miracle. Sea Dragons like to be free and don't enjoy living in captivity. It is very hard to keep them in tanks. Attempts to bred them in captivity have failed. It is hard to obtain them because you can only own the ones bred in captivity. (I will however find a way to own one of these beauts someday.) 
Leafy Sea Dragons are the coolest sea animal ever. There is no argument. I have seen them with my own eyes  and even though they were a little blurry because of the tear (I might have started crying from the beauty) I could still tell that there is nothing that can compare to the shear awesomeness of these creatures. 
Lindsey  

I AM A NOVELIST

Dear Readers!
I just want to say that I wrote a novel. It isn't published and I don't know if it ever will be, but it is done!!!
I wrote 89 pages. I wrote a novel. I couldn't be more excited!!!! It is finished!
I just wanted to let you know that!
I would go on some rant about how you do what you want if you just put your mind to it, and that it true but right now I am kinda too excited to give you a motivational speech!!
I DID IT BITCHES!!!!!!
Lindsey