SEA DRAGONS!

Dear Readers,

They exist I have seen them with my own eyes. The only thing that separated me from the most majestic creature on the celestial ball was about two inches of very thick plastic. I was in the presence of the most interesting, beautiful animal that has ever lived.
The much cooler cousin of the Sea Horse, Leafy Sea Dragons, Phycodurus eques, live on the coasts of Australia (which just makes an already awesome place better). The have leafy like limbs that help propel them throw the water with such ease and also help protect themselves from predators that want to consume them to take in their awesomeness. Most of the Leafy Sea Dragons are an orange read color. There is also another type of Sea Dragon called the Weedy Sea Dragon. From the name I know that right now you can tell they are less cool. They don't have as many leafy appendages. They are however still dragons and that makes them cooler than any Sea Horse that have ever lived. 
They are a lot like Sea Horses in the ways they bred. The males are pregnant instead of the women. (Goodness I wish I was a Sea Dragon.) They also have the long slender mouth that they use for feeding. Unlike Sea Horses their tails cannot be used for gripping, but why would they want to stay in one place when they can glide effortlessly through the water so that all may gaze upon their beauty.  
There are only eight places in the United States that you are able to gauze upon the glory of these creates. The Shedd Aquarium, where I saw them, is one of these few places. If I were you I would get your buns over there and see these miracle. Sea Dragons like to be free and don't enjoy living in captivity. It is very hard to keep them in tanks. Attempts to bred them in captivity have failed. It is hard to obtain them because you can only own the ones bred in captivity. (I will however find a way to own one of these beauts someday.) 
Leafy Sea Dragons are the coolest sea animal ever. There is no argument. I have seen them with my own eyes  and even though they were a little blurry because of the tear (I might have started crying from the beauty) I could still tell that there is nothing that can compare to the shear awesomeness of these creatures. 
Lindsey  

I AM A NOVELIST

Dear Readers!
I just want to say that I wrote a novel. It isn't published and I don't know if it ever will be, but it is done!!!
I wrote 89 pages. I wrote a novel. I couldn't be more excited!!!! It is finished!
I just wanted to let you know that!
I would go on some rant about how you do what you want if you just put your mind to it, and that it true but right now I am kinda too excited to give you a motivational speech!!
I DID IT BITCHES!!!!!!
Lindsey

What I Live For

Dear Readers,

The graph that shows me how many people have visited my blog is starting to look like a dying heart beat Hopefully that is not a metaphor for my blog dying. This blog is the one I have posted the most on, the one I have spent the most time on, and sometimes the one I like the most. So hopefully I comes back tonight. Knock on wood for me.
Tonight after watching two hours of Anthony Bourdian on the Travel Channel I am feeling inspired to blog. If you don't know this you obviously don't read my blog enough, I am in culinary school. I love food. Food has always been a central point in my life. The kitchen has always been a warm inviting place. As a kid I remember sitting on the floor of the kitchen and playing with tubberware instead of the normal kid toys in my room. I have always loved eating, and if you know me it shows. Food is my life.
Recently I have been thinking about my favorite foods. My comfort foods. The food that brings me back to a different time and place. Mostly happy places. I have never had the most acquired taste in food. To be truthfully honest I prefer my cookies, biscuits, pie crust, and frosting made with butter-flavored Crisco. I enjoy eating Hostess snacks. Meatloaf is one of my favorite foods. I eat Ramen. I eat minute rice. I eat way to much canned soup. And I like it all. Like I said my taste is not fancy.
Sure I like a good steak. I would eat snails everyday if I had the choice. Bread and olive oil was pretty much all I ate last week. Somehow though I don't prefer that to my meatloaf, green bean casserole, and mashed potatoes. That is the food I was raised on. That is the food I live for. I live for the warm cookies coming off the pan. I live for the box cake mix my mom would make on my birthday. Those foods show up in my memory.
I have started to wonder why me, a culinary student, would rather eat meatloaf then steak tartar. And after listen to my chef talk and talk and talk I think I have a very good idea. Those were the foods I was raised on. Those foods shaped my childhood. Countless times I sat on the kitchen floor and watched my mother make cookies from memory. At a very young age she taught me how to make these cookies. Those memories are happy ones. Now that I am away form my mom, and don't have the opportunity to get hug when I need one or have a meaningful conversation face to face those cookies feel like the best bear hug ever. While eating a zinger I can flash back to the wonderful younger days what my siblings and I would tag along grocery shopping and my om would by us treat just to shut us up.
Those memories are what pushed me to go to culinary school. I could not imagine my life without food. I could not imagine my life without THAT food.
So people can say all they want about my love for Orange Dream Bars (the only food that has moved me to tears), meatloaf, green bean casserole, butter flavored Crisco, box cake mix, and Ramen noodles. It won't phase. That food was special to me then, and it is still special to me now. I cannot wait till I see my family again and we sit down for a good family meal.
I could take a turn now and encourage you to find the thing you live for, but I am gonna skip all that shit. You have heard that countless times. You have been told from a young age to do what you love. You know that by know. What I really want you to do is think back. Try and remember the food you grandma made for you. Try and remember your favorite Christmas cookie out on the table at the holiday get-togethers. Try and remember the special snack from the store, the midnight binge of cold roast with the fridge door open, the birthday meals of years past, the picnic in your neighborhood park.
Plain and simple food is important. You really can't live without it (no matter how hard you try fashion models). Food shapes you just like the movies you see, the tv you watch, the books you read, and the people you spend time with. So go out there dear readers and find what food is important to you. Get the recipe from your great Grandma before she kicks the bucket. Talk to your mom about the cake she made when you were younger. And if you prefer store bought don't feel bad about grabbing that bow of Ho-Ho's off the shelf. Be proud of your food. Live for the shit because God knows you can't live with out it.
Your always hungry blogger,
Lindsey

Damn Dogs

Dear Readers,

I recently moved into an apartment. I love my apartment. It may be shitty. It may be one of the worst places I have lived. And it might remind me of a hotel, which is alright. The only difference between my apartment and a hotel is that there are no maids, no room service, I have to make my own bed, and there are dogs.
I hate dogs. I have never liked dogs. While all of the young girl were obsessed with puppies and had their cute little dog posters, I became a fan of pigs. I have never liked dogs.
When people ask me why I am not really sure what to say to them. I have been thinking recently and I now have the top five reasons I hate dogs.
1. They smell. Dogs can't bath themselves. They can't take showers, so of course they have no hygiene. They don't smell good unless their owners bath them, and truth be told they do not do that nearly enough. As a result of their lack of bathing, they always smell. Dogs get into more crap then humans, but we shower ever day. Why don't they? They always smell awful. Especially wet dogs. Agghh... I shudder just thinking about it.
2.  They piss and shit everywhere. I was walking home today and I saw a dog just take a crap on a lawn and then the owner and the dog just walked away. Really?!?!?! I don't want to see human pull down their pants and take a good long piss on a wall so why would I want to see a dog do that? It's honestly ridiculous!!! It is gross! I don't want to smell your dogs shit, so pick it up or toilet train them!
3.  They are noisy. Have you ever been sitting enjoying the quiet, and then out of no where some damn dog barks and whines and you are no longer happy? It happens to me all the time. I can hear the yippy dog three apartment down, and it just ruins my day.
4. They ruin conversations and are extremely distracting. Okay here is another situation for you. You are standing outside having a nice conversation with someone and then a dog goes by. They stop what they are saying and look at the damn dog. That takes about three minutes. Three minutes of lost conversation. Three minutes of watching someone freak out over a damn dog that isn't even cute. Damn dogs.
5. They are ugly. No matter how many people tell me that dogs are cute I will never agree. They are ugly, and that's all there is to it.
So fuck dogs. I hate them, and now you know why.
Lindsey

No Hills to Frolic Through, Just a List of the Most Bitching Things Ever

Dear Readers,

Yesterday I was in a really bad mood. I had no faith in humanity. I was just about ready to forge into the forest and not look back. I was just about ready to abandon society and live off the land in some remote area. However today I feel more optimistic. After eating a fantastic breakfast, going outside, buying some chocolate, and watch many many hours of No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain the world has a wonderful shimmer to it. Everything seems bright and new. Hopefully there wasn't anything in the brownies I ate earlier...
In an almost response to yesterdays post I would like to share a few of my favorite things. I could start singing you A Few of My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music, but I don't have any mountains to frolic through I will spare you of that and just go on to listing shit.

• These have no particular order so I am going to use bullets instead of numbers. Okay lets start off with one of my life long loves. Food. I love food. I love all food. I even love shitty food because then it makes good food taste so much better. I just love food. I am more partial to desserts, but I love everything. I already mentioned that I watched and ungodly amount of No Reservations today. That show is amazing. It is basically following a super bad ass guy around the globe watching him eat some of the best looking food every made. My mouth was watering the whole time. So much food. So much meat. So much good looking stuff. I just wanted to eat everything. After watching the episode in Austin, I was tempted to jump on a plane and get my ass to Texas to eat some barbecue. I just don't think I could love food anymore. 
• My second love, books. I love reading books. I love buying books. I love looking at books. I love holding books. Most of all I love smelling books. I love books the way some sluts love men. I don't think I could live without them. I love books like a fat kid loves cake (thank you 50 cent for that wonderful simile). I can honestly not say anything more because I can't even put my love into words that describe it. 
• Now we are going to get a little more specific. Full belly laughing. What can be better then someone or yourself laughing whole heartedly? Throwing your head back and letting out a long strain of ha's feels so good. How can you not love your belly shaking and your sides feeling like they might cave in? There is nothing better for the soul (except fried chicken or chicken and noodles on mashed potatoes) then letting yourself laugh. Laughter is the best medicine, or is that morphine I am not really sure... But seriously laughing is the best!! 
• Warm clothes. I know that doing the laundry sucks. It sucks even more that I have to pay $1.50 per load. However, there is one reward. Being able to fold clothes just coming out of the dryer. Oh yeah. They are warm, smell good, clean, and did I already say warm? Dryer clothes are the best. If I had a dryer in my apartment I would put on my pj pants straight from the warm goodness, but since my laundry room is on the 9th floor and it is not just my laundry room I can not do that. Even though sometimes I am tempted to just strip down right there; come on who needs more encouragement to strip then a warm pair of undies and pj pants. 
• Your mom jokes. Honestly who doesn't love a good your mom joke at the right time. When the moment calls on it your mom jokes can be the funniest thing since people walking into poles. I got the best your mom joke story. This summer I worked at the pool. Of course some kids came to the pool that I hated, its only natural. Well this little shit was joking around with me and a co-worker one day. When my co-worker left to go out and guard, me and the little shit agreed the co-worker is a weird dude who does weird stuff. The little shit asks "what is the weirdest thing he has ever done?". A split second went by, and I honestly thought about some of the weird stuff he has done. But then the perfect thing crossed my mind, and before I could stop myself I said it. "Your Mom!!" I burned that kid so bad he had to go get some ice. It was great!! Most people I tell that to think I am awful and scold me for telling that to a kid, but this kid watches Tosh.O and has heard way worse then my harmless your mom joke. So if you are a nay sayer please leave and never come back. And if you don't like a good your mom joke every once and a while then let me show you the little x button at the top right of your screen. 

Well you have had enough of my absolutely hilarious and completely true ideas for the day. So children go out and live your lives by my rules, and remember that nothing beets food, books, laughing, warm clothes, and your mom joking. NOTHING!!
Lindsey

The New and Improved List of Grievances

Dear Readers,

College... Its the life! I sit on my ass, get up make some food, go to class, come back, some more sitting, maybe some cleaning, and eventually some mind numbing interweb surfing. Hooray for college!!
Well during my internet surfing today I found one of the most retarded things I have ever found on the internet. After that I boarded a train of thought of all of the things I hate in the world. So now I will impart my  superior wisdom and infinite knowledge to you.
I now start my list of grievances.
1.     Here is the absolutely stupid thing I found on the interweb tonight.

Okay... if you read it and realized you have felt like that before please click the little x thingy at the top of your screen and get the fuck off my blog. How the fuck do hunger and missing someone come together? They are totally different feelings. I just can't even think of anything more to say about this one. I just hate fucking idiots, so don't be one and I probably won't hate you.
2.     Besides people I hate elevators. My new apartment building has really shitty elevators. I swear every time the little bell dings to say it has reached my floor my life flashes before my eyes and I say a really quick pray apologizing for all of the awful things I have done. Here is the part where you are sitting there thinking 'why not just take that stairs. are you to fat to get off your lazy ass and walk down the stairs'. Well no jackass I am not that lazy, but my shitty apartment building has emergency exit only stairs. They do not go out to the first floor. They go out to the parking lot and they have an alarm on the door. It's like this buliding wants me to die, either from obesity or a fatal elevator crash. I hate elevators. What is wrong with stairs?
3.     Other blogs. While stumbling around on the internet I come across many many many many blogs. And most of them suck. My blogs don't suck. I am not stupid. Many of those shitty ass girl blogs could be written by spastic monkeys for all I know. They are just so awful. If I see one more blog about how some mom like being a stay at home mom, baking for her kids, making shitty crafts, and being a wife I think I might blow out my brains. The very same people polluting the internet with the sewage, corrupt the dessert industry. To many old washed up ladies think they don't need proper training to bake things. They know how to make frosting and open up a box cake mix, so that means they can jump on the band wagon and make money by decorating cakes and making desserts. I will let you in on a secret, you can't do that. Baking like any other profession takes training and experience. So until you go to school or study under some famous French chef stop! Stop making your dumb cupcakes, and please for everyone on the internet stop blogging about it.
4.      Okay I am just going to leave it at three things today because I basically hate everything and my hand would cramp and your eyes would dry out before I could list all of my grievances.
Please for the love of all that is good and pure in the world stop being retarded and follow me rules!!!!
Lindsey

Heaven?

Dear Readers,

So if you dim wits haven't gotten the memo I moved. To Chicago. I am in college now. Well not really college culinary school.
I only have 4 hours of class a day so I have a lot of extra time. Yesterday to pass the time I went out for a walk and found my new place in the entire world. Guess where it is!!
No it's not outside. Natures nice, but bugs suck and allergies are awful.
No it's not the huge McDonald's done the street because that would be to American.
No it's not the super awesome park with all the sculptures in it because that is a really far walk.
No it's not the kitchen because I am a women you sexist pig.
Okay are you out of goes dumb ass?
Its a book store!!!! If you haven't read my other blogs first of all you are retarded and second of all get on it. I have a very successful book blog, so that means I like reading. I have always liked store like Barnes and Nobles. Place where you can be surrounded by books, even the shitty ones. But the problem with Barnes and Nobles is it's expensive. I have bills to pay now. I have food to buy, so Barnes and Nobles doesn't fit in my budget.
My new favorite place is a used bookstore. The books are like 2 dollars for a paperback and 6 dollars for a hardcover. But the cheapness is not the best part. This book store is non-profit. All of the money they make they use to promote literacy in the Chicago area. Cool, right!?!?!? They have many programs for all ages. Mostly I think the children's programs are really cool because childhood is one time when reading is very important.
Besides being super cheap and really cool, the inside of the bookstore is exactly the place I would want to spend all of my time. There are old looking couches for costumers to lounge on.  All of the shelves are miss matchy and painted different colors. Stacks of books are scattered on the floor. Hidden jems are in every corner. It is absolutely perfect.
I was a little weary of finding places I like here, but now I have found heaven. I have found someone who took the paradise in my head and made it real. I am a soooooooooo fucking excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is easy to say that the volunteers there will be seeing a lot of me!
So I will leave you with this dear readers. Granted my new favorite place is not a library I feel this quote fits!
"I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library."
- Jorge Luis Borges, "Poema de los Dones"
Lindsey 

Couch Potato

So recently I have been watch a lot of television. With a lot of television comes a lot of commercials. I am going to share a few of my favorite commercials with you now.

So those are just a few, but they are great! They make me lol every time I see them. Remember to eat like that guy you know and live life by my rules. Enjoy them damn it!
Lindsey

A Little Science Lesson For You

Dear Readers,

My interweb has been broken for about a week. After a 43 minute long conversation with the Dell support people somewhere over in India it is now working!! Three cheers for Indian Call Center!!!
One week of college down! Woop Woo!! I am feeling quite studious, so it is time for a little chemistry lesson.
Incase you didn't know or you were dropped on your head as a child, baking is a science. It requires exact measurements so the correct chemical reactions happen. Without science bread would rise, cake would not have the wonderful spongy texture, and basically everything in the baking would would fall apart.

Well my first class in culinary school is a certification and basic culinary skills class. My chef is trying to encompass some of the science of baking, but he doesn't do very well... Now I am not an expert on chemistry, but I do remember quite a bit from my junior year chemistry class (thank you Mr. DZ!). My chef started talking about the pH scale and I knew some of what he was saying was incorrect so I did some resource on the blogosphere. Let hop onto the magic school bus and take a trip to science land!
So to the left is a wonderful diagram of the pH scale. The pH scale measures acidity and alkalinity. Most people know what acidity is. It tastes sour like lemons, sour patch kids, or war heads. That is common sense... or at least hopefully. The lower numbers on the pH scale represent higher acidity. Higher acid can burn through counters and shit.
7 on the pH scale is neutral. It wouldn't hurt you or anything for that matter. Water is normally a 7 or around there.
Higher numbers on the pH scale is know as basic. As the number increases the alkalinity increases and things become more basic. Soap is basic. Lye and ammonia are basic. Bases taste bitter. If you are bad child and a curse words has passed your pretty lips (unlike me) your mother might have washed your mother out with soap. If that is you, then you know what a base tastes like.
In baking and cooking you need to balance flavors. There are 5 basic flavors. Bitter. Umami. Salty. Sweet. Sour. I have no idea what the hell umami actually tastes like so don't ask. But as you can see the different pH has a different affect on food and its flavor.
Baking is a science. Don't forget that dumb ass. Live life by lindsey's rules and by the rules of science.
Lindsey

CHICAGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Readers,

Woop Woo!!!!!
I am moved!!
I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chicago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Incase you didn't get this from all of the extended words and exclamation points I am really excited to be in Chicago.
So all I wanted to tell you is that I am in Chicago!
Lindsey

The Peculiar Sadness of One-Upmanship Cooknies

Dear Readers,

This leaving thing weird. I leave for college in two days. And don't get me wrong I am SUPER excited to blow this Popsicle stand and move onto bigger and better things, but while eating some delicious One-Upmanish Cooknies with a few friends I hardly see I realized how much I will miss these people. No doubt I think they are stupid and no doubt that there are days when I hate all of my friends, but I will miss hating them. I will miss these people.
The first of my friends to leave left on Thursday. I went to say goodbye in the morning, and it took me almost all I had not to break into tears. Now I am normally not the most sappy sentimental person, but there are a few things that get me. Between leaving friends and the end of You've Got Mail I believe I have cried enough tears to last my life time. And then after the first heart break I didn't get a break my next friend left Friday. I watched the end of a japanimation series with him on Thursday night, and it hit me that I won't see these people till Christmas. Four months...
It's not like I won't make new friends, but it is weird that these people I have seen everyday for four years will not be in my life anymore. Weird....
So between the continual goodbyes, late night eating feast, and working I haven't had much time to think. And now this no so busy late night is throwing me off. I am looking back at this last week, this last year actually and thinking about all of the new friends I made, fun times I enjoyed, and all of the times I have hated the world.
Oh the cosmic bitches, who ate lunch with me almost everyday. I love you girls and I hope that we never lose touch because you guys complete me.
There are all of the boiz that I hung out with this year. No mother none of them are my boyfriend. Yes were are friends and they are boys. Enough said.
There was the whirlwind of lasts. Last band competition, the last high play performance, the last year in speech, the last All-State, the last Tulip Festival, the last parade, the last Dutch Dozen performance. The last day of school. The last time I will see many people I graduated with. The last day of work at the pool and library. The last... So many lasts.
But lets not forget all of the fun. The leaving for lunch, the many many study halls, my new friends at landsmeer and the bakery, the choir trip, the desert dust storm in Iowa, the mass amount of books, the new laptops, prom, after prom, Perkins, bonfires, swimming after hours, concerts, iced coffee late at night, many poor decisions, many good decisions, shopping with boys, starting my blogs, graduating, deciding on college. So many good things.
Even the bad things now somehow seem good. Somehow all of the years drama seems to wash away while sitting on the couch late at night. Everything seems good, and hopefully it will be.
If I had a glass I would raise it, but since I am not of age and it is like midnight I have nothing to raise. As I lift my empty hand into the air I toast to all of the success and unsuccess that I have had over this wonderful year. I toast to the friends I have lost and the friends I have made. I toast to the books I have read and the recipes I have tried. I toast to every post I have made. I toast to every hateful thought I have had. I toast to every hope/dream I have had. I toast to the future friends I am going to make. I toast to all of the fun times and and times I will have. I toast to the bittersweetness of leaving. I toast to the peculiar sadness of One-Upmanish Cooknies. I toast to LIFE.
Lindsey

Fun. Adventures With Train

Dear Readers,

Normally I don't do anything on Friday nights. My life has been constricted to the pool and books, but last night I actually had some fun.
It is Sanford Employee Appreciation week (so if you are a Sanford Employee I really appreciate you), and they were having a free concert for the employees to appreciate them. My mother is a very appreciated employee so she received four free tickets to the concert. My mother gave the tickets to me so I could go with a few friends and I jumped on the opportunity because Train was playing. 
Oh Train. I have heard there music that is on the radio or in movies, so I was looking forward to hearing some new songs live. Well that didn't happen because it decided to rain. Let me give you a run down of the whole night and you will laugh at my very Fun. adventure.
My friend Virginia was driving. She came to pick me up from the pool cause I was working. Then we went to get my other friends, then we went on our way to Sioux Falls because that is where the concert was. While driving we started talking about the new song Whistle by the asshole Flo Rida, and the next song that played on the radio was Whistle. That was just the start of many coincidences.
My mother had so kindly printed out  map for us to follow, but we didn't go the same route so when we got to the city we were very confused. Thank the goodness for my new smart phone because otherwise we would not have gotten there. Once there we parked the car and had to shut off the radio in the middle of a song we wanted to listen to, but we wanted to get over the stage before Train played. While walking over we crack a few jokes about how the concert won't be Fun. (like the band Fun.) because its Train. Some crappy opening band was playing when we arrived. By some miracle the sucky band said there were only going to play one more song before Train came on because some bad weather was brewing and they wanted us to see and actually good band (I am not sure if Train falls into that category).
Train comes on and starts playing. They started with 50 Ways to Say Goodbye or something like that. I already mentioned that I was with some named Virginia. Well Train has a song called Meet Virginia, which is like super old and hardly known. But amazingly they played it, and Virginia started freaking out. After a few more songs, they announced they were doing 3 more songs because of the storms coming. Drops of Jupiter, Hey Soul Sister, and Drive By were my guesses and I pegged them all! So the best coincidence/cosmic fate/weird thing of the night was at the end of Hey Soul Sister they started playing part of We Are Young by Fun. All of our mouths were so wide upon in shock that a tiny army of toy soldiers could have marched out. It was crazy because we had just been joking about how the concert was not Fun. It was crazy.
So after the three more songs we all left. While waiting to pull out the car next to was listening to the same station as us, so we jammed out with some complete strangers. Right after we pulled out of the parking lot a down pour started. We got on to the Interstate. We were all kind of freaking out, but it turned out okay. We didn't die. The storm eventually stopped.
To keep ourselves awake because we were off the adrenaline high from the storm we stopped for some coffee at McDonald's. The McDonald's was a FANCY McDonald's. It was legit!! Super fancy! I bet the even had Fancy Ketchup.  But McDonald's coffee is shit. It tastes like syrup, so don't get coffee when you go there. Stick to the pretend healthy smoothies.
After all of that we finally made it home. Everything turned out just peachy. It turned out to be Fun.
Lindsey

The Strange Thing About Late Night Revelations

Dear Readers,

So you know when you just can't sleep. Your mind just refuses to rest. Its about 1:30 in the morning and your just about sick of being awake.
But then something happens. You have a late night revelation. Your mind jumps, and you find yourself wide awake again and ready to think in a deep philosophical way. Normally songs spark my late night thinking sessions. But it could be anything. Don't lie to me dear readers this has happened to all of us. We have all had those moments late at night were we feel like geniuses. We have all wanted to world to know our late night ramblings. Or am I alone in this...
I am hopefully not alone. Doesn't everyone feel like the they are the shit, the bee's knees, the cats pajamas, all that and a bag of chips, the best thing since sliced bread at least once in their life.
Well if you haven't felt this way, you have the right too!
A little bit of confidence busting in good for the soul, just like fired chicken and chocolate. Sometimes your ego needs a little stoking. Maybe staying up late and feeling like you know everything is what you need. Maybe its winning an argument. Maybe its doing what you want when you want to. Maybe its breaking small rules that make you feel like a bad ass. Maybe its finally deciding that you don't give a shit what others think of you. Whatever it is find your late night revelations. Stroke your ego. Maybe someone will call you stuck up, but hey you need it. Just like you need fired chicken, bacon, chocolate, grape koolaid in the living room, rap music, late night revelations, and a good ego stroking. You deserve this. So tonight dear readers not only am I the bee's knee but you are too.
Lindsey

Great Day

Dear Readers,

So there are some days I wake up and I feel like I need to start in on the Great Day SNL skit song. I know the video is super old, but some days I feel like this.

I feel like I just snorted a shitload of crack and the day is going to be great.
I did not actually snort crack, but after getting a new phone, new glasses, and finding out it's Harry Potter's birthday I was pretty pumped.
Not to mention I went to the movie Moonrise Kingdom last night and it was awesome!!!!!
Also I have 8 days left of work and 15 days till I move!!!
So today has been a pretty great day.
Happy Birthday Harry!
Lindsey

Countdown.

Dear Readers,

I have started a college countdown. I would like to let you know dear readers that there are 17days till I leave.
17 days till I move to a new city.
17 days left of living with my siblings.
17 days left of not having to pay rent.
17 days left of not paying for my food.
17 days.
I am super pumped!!!! So hopefully these last 17 are the shit!
Lindsey

Idiots Say the Darndest Things

Dear Readers,

I have some great quotes for you my friends. These come from some of the idiots that I know, including me...
"So what are Christian hipsters anyway? Jews?" Me
"Rap is like poetry from the ghetto." Me
"I feel like Spiderman, but in the water and with no webs." Tyler Lamm
"Hey I am floating." Tyler Lamm
"Lottie ain't shit" My anonymous friend who shall remain nameless for the purposes of not being known.
"Just bought a new scent of laundry detergent #YOLO" Messy Mondays Guy
"I am in for some rough usage." Brendypoo.

So there are some quotes that you may not understand, but they are funny never the less.
Lindsey

Food

Dear Readers,

I love food.
I love all food.
Food is just amazing. I don't understand how someone could not want to eat. Not only does food keep your body going, it has the potential to taste amazing!
Tonight for supper we had BLTs and corn on the cob. It was probably one of the best suppers I have ever eaten. Simple but tasty. It also contains some of the best food in the world BACON and CORN ON THE COB!!!!!!
I don't think there is a person out there with a soul who doesn't like bacon. If you don't like bacon you are probably going to hell. I am pretty sure Jesus once said that bacon is the way to heaven, right? Bacon probably has magically healing powers. If you are sick eat some and you feel better. If you have a flesh wound rub some bacon on it and feel better. Bacon is amazing. I don't think you could find a better food then bacon. It makes every food better. Salad, baked potatoes, pizza, sandwiches, cookies, everything. Bacon belongs on everything.
Corn on the cob joins this list of the best food in life. The best part is that you can't look good while eating it. You really just have to go for it. Your face will get dirty. There will be kernels flying everywhere. You will end up with things stuck in you teeth. Somehow those add to the awesomeness. You cannot eat sweet corn with out getting dirty. So stop trying to look dignified and proper pull up those sleeves, clamp your teeth down of the cob, and get down to business.
Few food are better on a summer night then bacon and corn on the cob. Actually I don't think it matter what time of day or year those are two of the best foods ever.
Get out there and eat some. Jesus wants you to.
Lindsey

#thuglife

Dear Readers,

This post goes out to all of my rap buddies.
So I have explained before how listening to rap makes me feel like a complete bad ass, and it is still soooooo true. Recently I was sent a playlist by a friend that goes through the history of rap (supposedly). The playlist is 8 hours and contains 117 tracks, so I have a lot of rap to listen to. 
I used to think that rap was shit and had no redemption, but now that I have listened to more then just the shit on the radio I am realizing how awesome rap can be. Rap has many redeeming points.
First of all it makes me laugh. Most of the music really has no point. Many of the song have awful meanings. They talk about sex, violence, and very immoral things, but when I think about how me, one of the whitest girls I know, is listening to this I can't help giggling (giggling is so white). Some of the music also has really good puns, awesome rhymes, and really clever metaphors. Mostly I find myself laughing while listening to it.
Next ties into the first. Sometimes rap is like really good poetry put to beats. Okay sometimes, it is just shit. It is just cuss word after cuss word, and that is really good for nothing more then giggles. But when the song has real meaning and is really well written it is really hard not to like it. 
For another I really enjoy feeling like a thug. I am not trying to racist or offensive here. I just enjoy listening to music that is not considered the norm for white teenage girls. Its like a shock and aw thing. When you start singing rap when it comes onto the radio you give your friends a little fright. Its fun. 
Overall rap is pretty awesome. You have to listen to good rap though. Remember that rap like all of other kinds of music has good and bad songs. So stop listening to the shit that is only on the radio and check out some good stuff! Come join me and feeling like a thug. 
#thuglife
Lindsey  

Get Off Your Ass, Go Out There, and Live the Shit Out of Your Life!

Dear Readers,

Tonight was a pretty legit night. I did a lot of stuff. Thanks to Ronald Reagan I had an excuse to eat ice cream. I chilled with my friends. And I was continually reminded that in 1 month, yes exactly one month dear readers, I will be leaving.
This week has kinda been a shitty week. I was on a high from the concert at the beginning of the week, and then everything went down hill. I got really tired. I got really lazy. And I got really busy. That combination has always preceded a melt down on planet Lindsey.
Also every shitty feeling was accompanied by the fact that this is basically going to be the rest of my life. Working. And working sucks. I hate going to work for 10 hours everyday, and then on weekends working at least 5 hours a day. It is really the pits. How people have been doing this for centuries I have no idea.
I am really starting to miss being a child. I am starting miss being able to take naps in the afternoon, carry around stuffed animals everywhere, have a mom to make all of your lunches, and to not have any worries but who you were going to play with on the playground. Why I ever decided to grow up is beyond me.
So overall it has been sort of a depressing week.
But then tonight I decided to read the 1000 Awesome Things blog again. There is just one post that I cannot get over. It literally speaks to me. Yes, the words literally jump of the fucking page at me and ambush my ears. For some reason it makes my sucky life seem less sucky.
It makes my step back and look at my life and realize about how pretty damn good it is. I complain and bitch about how I hate working and how this summer sucks. I have a very cynical view of life, and everything has a gray tinge to it.
And although I feel like I am going crazy, my life really couldn't get better. This moment right now is the youngest I will ever be. This fleeting moment might be the last one like it my life. My short short life.
Think about it. Compared to how long the rock we live on has been going around the sun, our lives are very short. You have maybe 100 years. Maybe. Each day you are getting older. Each day you are closer to the day you die. That sucks.
But each day is also another day to do something new. To go out and live the hell out of your life. Each day is another day to make something out of you short time on this planet. Each day is another day to fall in love, the eat pie, to have fun, to stay up late, to sleep in late, to have a shitload of new experiences, to read another book, to watch another movie, to have one more conversation with a close friend, to mark one thing off your bucket list. Each day there is something new. Even the most shitty days of work have redemption because the bed just feels so much better when you finally get there.
So even though you may be stuck in a rut. Even though you may see no light at the end of the deep dark tunnel, trust me there is one. Life is not all awful. You may not be able to nap or carry around stuffed animals, but with again comes privilege. You can smoke, drink, buy things of infomercials, vote, get married, watch R rated movies. Remember that when you are feeling shitty.
Life is short, but it is good. So go out in live. Yes, work sucks, but work isn't life and don't let it be. Remember that you only have a short time. Use it wisely my friends.
So dear readers get off you ass, go out there, and live the shit out of your life.
Lindsey

5 Awesome Things

Dear Readers,

Recently I found one of the best blogs on the interwebs. Its called 1000 Awesome Things. Here is a link. http://1000awesomethings.com/ I totes recommend checking it out! Now don't go ditching me, and never read my lame ass blog again. I need all of the readers I can get!
I was inspired by this awesome blog! I do not have 1000 things to tell you about, or the time or hand strength to type them all out. So I will tell you about 5 things.
1. Freshly shaved legs. Sorry some of these may only apply to the women of the world, but I bet men feel the same way about a soft smooth face. There is nothing better then shaving you legs, putting lotion on them, and then just running you hand up and down the silky smoothness. It doesn't matter if you are just going to put on pj's and crawl into bed or going out for the night shaved smooth soft legs are always good.
2. Buying things you love. This normally applies to books, bags, and shoes for me, but it can apply to whatever you love. When I buy a new bag or a pair of shoes I want to wear them all of the time. I want to sit and bask in their glory. I pride myself in find such cute items. I praise my good shopping skills. I think about how awesome I am because I found such awesome things. There is nothing better then finding something you love and buying it.
3. Getting free stuff. I know the last one was about buying stuff, but getting free stuff is also equally awesome. All food and drink tastes better when it is free. All clothes feel more comfy when they are free. All activities are more fun when they are free. Just because something is free doesn't mean you need it, but when you can get the necessities for no cost it is just plain awesome.
4. The smell of books. Whether old or new I love to smell 'em. Books just always smell fantastic. If I met a man who smelled like books I think I would marry him on the spot. There is absolutely nothing better then cracking open a new book sticking you nose deep in the cover and inhaling with the vigor of a crack addict in need of their hourly fix.
5. Sweating and not caring about it. Call me crazy, but I think sweating feels awesome. When you let your self let go, and sweat with no care it feels awesome. Your pores are getting cleaned. You don't need that fancy pants face washes just sit in the heat for a while while all of the nasty toxins and dirt come out of your skin. I work at a pool, so I sweat a lot. I have just stopped letting it bother me. If I smell a little the over powering smell of chlorine will prevail. So next time when you are feeling a little under the weather or your pores are screaming CLEAN ME! sweat it out. Trust me you will feel awesome.
So stay awesome, dear readers!
Lindsey

My Weekend of Being a Harlot, Music Lover, One of the Few Not Drunk at the Concert, and a Receiver of Many Wonderful Free Things!!!

Dear Readers,

This weekend was full of wonderful rules that need to be shared, fun times, many racist comments and songs, and boys.
I went to a concert with three boys this weekend. Look at me being a harlot. Just kinding. There was no slutiness going on. One of the boys was my older brother and the other two were good guy friends.
We went to the Basilica Block Party in Minneapolis, and it was fucking fantastic!
So let us start with the rules/life lessons you all need to know!
This is something I learned not from personal experience, but from observation. If you plan on wearing a whit dress, skirt, or shorts or need to wear nude or white underwear. And yes you do need to wear underwear. You never know when it will rain or you will get wet, and when white clothes get wet they turn see-through and a black tong is just not going to cut it underneath you white pants. So take this to mind. Learn from other people's stupid mistakes!
This is from my own personal experience. Iced coffee is not good to drink at 2 in the morning. I made this mistake. Here is where you can draw from my mistakes. We left Friday. Thursday night I decided to have a sleep over with my cosmic bitches before I left for the weekend, and we did not sleep. At 2 we decided it was coffee time, and then when I tried to go to bed at 4 I could not do it. I got a totally of two really shitty hours of sleep. Then when I woke up my friend from the south decided to make us breakfast. Another awful mistake. I ate bacon, fried potatoes, and biscuits and that food did not sit well in my stomach that had been on a diet for two weeks. I felt like shit. It was awful. It didn't help that I was literally sick from the lack of sleep. But eventually after a day of not eating I felt much better!!
Here is a tip for all of you girls out there! Don't expect guys to be excited about a cute bag. We had time on Saturday to head of the Mall of America. I went to one of my favorite stores and got a super cute bag, but there was no one there to appreciate it. I was sad, so I texted all of my girls. They freaked out with me, and it was all good. But I still really love that bag, David so don't judge me even though I have said it about 15 times. (I have thought it so many more time.)
So my weekend started out with me feeling like shit and being really tired, but after a ten minute nap in the car and some Flight of the Concords music I felt a lot better and ready for some awesome music. Once at the concert I sweated like pig, received 10 extra food tickets I did not pay for, had an unexpected shower from the rain, drank some free diet coke, and had a great time watching one of my favorite bands. Friday night I got an ample amount of sleep, so Saturday I woke up refreshed ready to have a great day! I had a doughnut for breakfast (much better on the system then bacon and fried potatoes), went to the mall bought shoes that I thought were going to be fifty-two dollar but were actually twenty, a lot of lotion from bath and body work on the buy three get three free sale, and a really really really cute bag, saw some men of African decent dancing like thugs in the mall, went to the concert, watched one of my other favorite bands, shared some laughs with my friends, had beer spilled on me multiple times, bought a sweato shirt, drank more free diet coke, and went to sleep. Today I woke up got in a car, went to the biggest candy store in Minnesota, and now I am writing really long possibly run on sentences that describe my weekend.
It turned out being so much fun! I would totally do it all again!!! I don't know if the other people on the trip felt the same way, but I don't really give a shit if my feelings are mutual I am a narcissist after all. It's all about me and my happiness. And right now I am pretty damn happy. I could use a back rub from an attractive man, but that might have to wait till I find one. And of course, dear readers, blogging just makes the day even better!
So got out there be harlots, wear white or nude underwear with white bottoms, don't eat Southern breakfast,  sleep more, listen to great music, care about your happiness too not just everyone elses, enjoy life, and most of all listen to and live by the rules, my rules.
Lindsey

R.I.P. Nora Ephron

Dear Readers,

Last night was a chick flick night. I watched two of my favorite movies. Sleepless in Seattle and Julie and Julia.
It just so happens that both of those movies are directed by the same person. Nora Ephron. She also directed other greats like You've Got Mail, When Harry Met Sally, and Bewitched. I love all of those movies. If I was going to sit down and have a chick flick day I would not watch shitty movies like the Notebook, or any other movies based of Nicolas Sparks books, or any new stupid chick flick like the Vow or Charlie Saint Cloud. I would go with the oldies but the goodies. If you have never seen a 90's chick flick movie get on because you are missing out on a lot!
Nora Ephron movies are the best!
My movie night was partly because I was bored and hadn't seen either of those movies for about a month, but also because on Sunday morning the television told the the great Nora Ephron had died. She died on last week Tuesday.
I can not pretend that I knew Nora Ephron or that I had any special connection to her. I actually didn't know that she had directed a lot of my favorite movies until I watch a segment on her on Sunday Morning on CBS. So really I have no reason to be sad that she died. 
But her movies are the movies I grew up. I can not count the times that I have sat on the floor at my fathers feet and watched Sleepless in Seattle. I can not remember the first time I watched You've Got Mail, but I know every scene. I can not tell you how many tears I have shed while watching all of these movies. There is something about a Nora Ephron film that gets me. 
These movies aren't full of shit. The loves stories aren't unbelievable and super out there. There are normal people who are falling in love with normal people. They are cute. They are the type of love that every person should have at least once. Some how Nora Ephron captured this in her films. She made chick flicks that weren't just thrown on the shelf and forgotten, she made classics. 
Again I should not pretend to know to much about her, but if she was the woman her movies reflected then she deserves all the respect in the world. 
So get off your lazy ass and watch a Nora Ephron film today. You will understand why I cry at the end of every one, why I can watch them over and over again, and why even though I never knew Nora Ephron I am sad she has passed away. 
Lindsey   

A Place of Learning

Dear Readers,

Today I learned that the library is truly a place of knowledge. I found a children's book that completely agrees with me and my hatred of corgis. The book is called Dogzilla. It is truly terrifying.
So a dirty, nasty ass corgi comes out of its evil layer in a volcano and attacks a small town of mice just trying to have a cook out. The mice are scared shitless, but they come up with a brilliant plan. They plan to chase Dogzilla back to its layer with the threat of a bath. Of course since it is a nasty ass corgi the dog is super afraid of soap and scurries back to it layer with it small disgusting tail between it's horribly disproportionate legs.
It is a great book! Finally a children's book stop idolizing the dumb animals called mans friend!
I also found some books about caring, kindness, and being a good friend. Since I have been called a bitch multiple times recently I thought that these would be worth me reading, and I was not disappointed! I laughed so hard I nearly pissed my pants. They books gave wonderful suggestions how to care more and how to be kind to more people. Just what this super mean bitch needed!
At the end of the books there were little quiz with question about caring and kindness. They also provided you with very clever mantras to repeat all day to make you a better person!
"I really care about people!"
"I want to be kind to everyone!"
How the fuck would the help you be a better person!?!?!? I have no idea!!! It certainly wouldn't help me. Atleast the books gave me a good laugh. The made me happier and hopefully when I am happier I won't be a stone cold bitch.
So truly libraries are a places of learning and fun!
Lindsey

I Hate Shitty Movies

Dear Readers,

It has been so hot, dear readers. I have been working at the pool, and I kinda want to die. It sucks. People are awful. Kids are poorly taught by their parents on what are appropriate manners in public places. And what sucks most of all is the heat! Oh well the sweat is unclogging my pores right?
So besides people at the pool being stupid, recently I have also realized some stupidity in my actions.
Up until recently I believed that the Star Wars prequels were okay movies. But, dear readers, I have seen the light. I have been shown the truth, and I feel strangely enlightened. I have a friend who continually tells me that those movies are crap, but I never understood why. I watched them with an unthinking mind. I was draw into the trap that many others have succumbed to. I believed that these movies had to be good because they were Star Wars, and of course if the other movies were good these had to be good too, right? Well, dear readers, I was completely and totally wrong.
The movies are probably some of the shittiest movies ever made. The plot line, characters, and everything else that is suppose to make a story good are seriously whacked up in these movies. None of the characters have distinct personalities. None of the plot lines make any sense. And basically everything else in the movies is shit.
I was blinded by the special affects and battle scenes that had about twenty things going on at the same time. I could not clearly see what was wrong because the mind numbing action took over. The blurs of color on the screen dulled my mind until I thought that the characters actions made sense, that the plot line was clearly moving somewhere, and that I could relate to the characters.
Of course you could say that I am now judging these movies to harshly. I think not. Being a big fantasy and sci-fi reader, I have an expectation of should be included in the genre. The same thing that applies to books carries over to movies. If these movies made any sense then I could excuse some of the things that are wrong. But they are completely nonsensical. I feel that it would be in character is Queen Amidala started quoting Jabberwocky during the movie.
So if you feel like watching Star Wars please for the love of all that is good and holy watch the original trilogy! If you accidentally  watch the prequels, watch these videos so that you understand why these sucks so much. Plinkett Reviews. They do swear a bit so if you are around young ears, your parents, people who think that swearing and foul language is wrong don't be a dumb ass and put in some head phones!
Well hopefully you do not repeat my stupidity. My goal here is to rid the world of the stupidity that I find, so it is weird that this stupidity was my fault. I guess it was statistically bound to happen sometimes right? So dear readers get out there stop being stupid, teach your kids manners, don't watch the Star Wars Prequels, and live life by my rules!
Lindsey

Pretty Good Day

Dear Readers,

Today has been a pretty good day dear readers. I worked for most of the day, and I guess that wasn't so bad. I have four hours of over time this weekend and that is really nice. I also worked with my baby brother, and I love that kid so that was nice. Oh Cole Bear. (He isn't actually a baby, he is only one and half years younger than me.) 

After work I went on a razzle date with Bear. What is a razzle date, you may ask dear readers. Well, a local gas station has their own version of a blizzard, and it is called a razzle. Cole loves them. He wanted to go get one and so we went. We both got cookie dough, and it was super yummy. 

I love spending time with my baby brother. He is awesome. I believe that I will actually miss him next year when I go off to college. This is a some what strange feeling because really no one ever likes their siblings, or so I am told. But dear readers I feel as I age I appreciate my siblings more. I truly love them, and life without them will be different. 

Enough of this sentimental shit. I have a few other reasons that this is a good day. The Batman came to my house today!! No sadly, dear readers, I do not mean the super hero. I know that is a bummer. A man who actually deals with bats for a live came to my house today to bat proof our roof, and to install this tube to help gets bats out of our house. Yes, there are bats in my house! It's like having a few more friends around. They aren't flying around inside the house, but there are living in the walls. Well, they were living in the walls. But now they are forced to leave. Oh well, at least I can say the Batman came to my house!! 

So today was a very successful happy today. I fell like tomorrow will be the same. My skin and hair will soak in a little more chlorine, I will work a few hours, maybe finish my book, and go swimming with my friends. 

This, dear readers, is why I like summer. The heat sucks, but I lurve the pretty good days.

Lindsey 

Be Cool, Follow the Rules!

Dear Readers,

It's hot... It's hot in Topeka... I am a hot toe picker...
If you know what that is from you are awesome, if you don't stop being stupid and figure it out. 
But really it's hot. It is really hot. So I am lying in my air conditioned house and not doing a damn thing. I love it. No work today!!! 
I have been working like none stop since the beginning of summer. I am either at the pool or the library... 
So I haven't had a chill day for a while! So today is great!!! And now I have a laptop! Woop Woo! So now I can have fun and be in bed at the same time! Oh wait... that sounds kinda weird. I mean that... well... that I can be on the interwebs and laying in bed at the same time! That's what I mean!! 
In honor of it being hot I will tell you some safety rules about swimming. Every morning we do a safety lesson in swimming lessons and this is basically what the lesson was this morning.
Be Cool, Follow the Rules!
That means don't be stupid and listen to the lifeguards. We are there to keep you safe. We are not telling you to stop doing this to kill the fun, we are trying to keep you from killing yourself. So don't be a dumb fuck and follow the rules! It doesn't matter if you are in swimming lessons or swimming normally at the pool you need to listen. God gave you ears for a reason. Use them!!!
So yeah that was basically what I said to the children this morning... Almost! Haha...
Well follow the rules at the pool! And remember to follow my rules and your life will just be so much better!

La Vie En Rose

Dear Readers,


"It is late at night, and someone across the way is playing 'La Vie En Rose'. It is the French way of saying, 'I am looking at the world through rose-coloured glasses,'  and it says everything I feel. I have learned so many things, Father. Not just how to make vichyssoise or calf’s head with sauce vinaigrette, but a much more important recipe. I have learned how to live… how to be in the world and of the world… and not just to stand aside and watch. And I will never, never again run away from life… or from love, either"

That is a quote from one of my all time favorite movies. Sabrina. Not the shitty version with Harison Ford in it. No the original version with Humphrey Bogart and Audrey Hepburn. That version is down right beautiful. Of course, the movie does have haters who say that it is simple, boring, and has no complexity. But I find that to be part of the appeal. The simpleness of the story, the simpleness of the characters, and the simple but    wonderful plot just make the movie.
My favorite scene is the one I quoted at the top. Sabrina is sitting in her apartment in Paris. It is a few weeks before she is graduating from the cooking school she was sent there for. As she writes a letter to her father La Vie En Rose drifts across the street to her window. Her words clearly signal her coming of age. Paris was about much more then learning how to make complicated french dishes; it turned out the be a place of learning for the young Sabrina. Something about the song and the words Sabrina writes gets me everything.
That scene, that song can make me forget almost any of my cares. I makes me want to go dance out in the street. I makes me want to travel to Paris meet a Baron, get a stylish haircut and new wardrobe, and learn how to live.
This movie makes me forget about the hatred swelling in my heart for Paranormal Teen Romance Novels, which is a hard thing to do because I have sworn that if I ever learn how to blow up things with my mind that section in Barnes and Nobles will be the first to go. It makes me forget the mass amount of work I have to do, which includes cleaning, getting swimming lessons things together, and working everyday. It makes me forget everything.
I feel so damn wistful and hopeful for the future, while watching to movie. If I could I would slip into the black and white version of Long Island. It is so peaceful, beautiful, and just about as close to heaven on earth as I have seen. The beautiful dresses, the sharp looking men, the wonderful parties, the picturesque houses, and the soothing and class music. All of it seems so damn perfect! Why can't I have that in Northwest Iowa?  Why can't normal life be like 1950's New York?
If you think I am crazy for wanting that (which you probably do because most people think I am crazy), watch the movie. Listen to La Vie En Rose, and you will understand the wistful feeling. The if you are still a doubter, I would like to advise you to go jump in a well and don't make a lot of noise because no one wants Lassie to find you. Please don't rain on my parade. I am allowed some happiness after Barnes and Nobles stole all of it away, after they crushed my faith in the human race by making a section specifically for Paranormal Teen Romance. I allowed some happiness after being super busy. I allowed some happiness so don't you dare fuck it up. Just go watch to movie, and you will understand my happiness!!!
Lindsey

Breakfast Should Have Dessert!

Dear Readers,

Today dear readers I would like to share a strong belief of mine. Breakfast should have dessert. Why is breakfast the one meal of the day that goes with out something sweet at the end? What happened to the good old English breakfasts. Good old fashion breakfast ifs what we need! Breakfast with different options. No more soggy cereal, reheated waffles, or smelly eggs.
We should have hearty breads, multiple types of marmalade and jam, strong teas and coffees, bacon, ham, properly cooked eggs (even though I would never eat them), succulent fruits, and at the end a fresh made tart or pie to finish off the meal!
Breakfast has become the forgotten meal, and that needs to stop. The food we eat nowadays for breakfast is shit. It is awful! I hate breakfast cereals. They are soggy, and gross, and very plain. Toast can get very boring. Bagels are okay but can be very bland. English muffins are muffins or English. Instant oatmeal is either super lumpy or really runny. The must stop!
We need to start up good breakfasts again. Especially ones with desserts. Is it fair that the noon and evening meals get dessert, and the morning meal is deprived of the most important part. No it is not fair!!
Please don't tell me that most of the food we eat for breakfast now is too sweet to have dessert because you know you are lying. Every meal needs something sweet!
So next time you reach for the boxed cereal, a bowl, and a spoon, stop yourself! Don't go there! Eat a proper breakfast and don't forget the dessert at the end!
Lindsey

Me Bitching and My Life Lessons

Dear Readers,

So I just got done having a bonfire. I had a huge glass of really strong iced coffee so I am still kicking after putting everything back in its place, driving two of my friends who lost their car keys home, and washing all of my dishes. Since I am still so awake I decided it would be wonderful idea to blog and eat a shit ton of Nutella straight from the container. It sounded like a really good idea, and it is turning out the be a brilliant idea! I LOVE Nutella! It is honestly one of the best things I have ever eaten. It joins the list with escargot, green bean casserole, and  orange dream pops.
The bonfire was super fun I guess... I would be lying if I didn't say I was really looking forward to it. I love hanging out with my friends. I will miss them next year when I am off at college. But you know sometimes friends get on your nerves. Tonight made me realize why I really don't like some of my friends. Sometimes tell people that they might make people cry is not the best way to remain friends with them. The kid wasn't really telling me that I make people cry, but by telling me that I don't really know he was insinuating it.
I don't really feel like going in depth on the things that people did when I told them not to. I will just leave it at teenage boys are definitely dumb fucks.
Don't get me started on people leaving and not staying to help clean up the huge mess they made. Yeah that was fun! Thankfully I forced the people who lost their keys to stay and help me clean before I gave them a ride home.
I also really enjoy people who we did not invite coming. I know that they are also my friends, but sometimes they are not invited as to make situations less awkward.
But hey I had fun! I talked to loud. I drank to much coffee. I inhaled way too much smoke from the fire (not from cigarettes or pot). I laughed to much. And currently I am eating to much Nutella.
So I would like to raise my spoon full of this wonderful creamy nutty chocolaty substance. I would like to dedicate this post to friends I love, friends I hate, friends who piss me off, friends who make things fun, friends who kill the fun when they arrive at parties, friends who kill the fun when they leave the parties, friends who need rides home, friends who couldn't make it, the person who invited s'mores, the person who posted the iced coffee recipe I found, the geniuses who thought of sun-tea, the idiots that keep my life interesting, the people make me smile from just being in their presence, inside jokes, hair that smells like smoke, parents who let me have friends over, friends who help me plan things, leaving high school behind, new life mottoes, not caring, and of course the makers of Nutella (who are actually in Canada not Europe, the illusion is shattered. I hope your life can continue).
So here is a rule for you, Don't worry, be happy!
The old song lyrics actually have some truth! Guys will be dumb fucks, girls will be bitches, you will read to far into situations, people will say stupid things, shit will happen. But really stop worrying. Life will go on. You will eventually find some way to be happy. It may come in a plastic container, or in a person's smile, or in an inside joke, or in the simple joy of being with people who love. But stop worrying. It will come. That is truly the best advice I can give. Stop worrying! Decide to dance in the rain. Let your friends play with the fire if it makes them happy. Eat half a container of sugary chocolate nut spread if it makes you feel good! Stop worrying and live your life!
If this summer is going to teach me anything it will be that if you want it done you do it yourself, and to stop WORRYING!!
So stay classy and sassy my friends! Always remember that caring is sharing, which is why herpes were invented!
Lindsey

Things That Make Me Feel Like a Bad Ass

Dear Readers,

There are few things in life that make me feel like a bad ass. I would like to tell you them!
Number One: Drinking grapes KoolAid in the living room when my parents are gone. My stupid ass southern friends and I were talking about things that we do when our parents aren't home, and that was my answer. Most people throw parties, steal from their parents liquor cabinets, and have mass amounts of fun (or at least that is what movies lead me to believe). But that is not for me that only thing I need to feel awesome and rebellious is drinking grape drank. My father hates it when we drink or eat things in the living room that could stain the carpet, so when he isn't home I break out the chocolate syrup, grape drank, dark pop, and cheesy chips. Woop Woo! Look we got a bad ass over here!
Number Two: Gun Club. Oh what is Gun Club you ask? Well let me explain! Actually Gun Club isn't a real things. It is the girls name for a group that my guy friends are in called S.W.O.R.D. Sword is lame. It is basically Larping. If you don't know what that is get off your lazy ass, get a life, know things, and google it. The only difference between Sword and Larping is that the boys who play sword don't wear costumes. Larping is a little funnier to watch, but knowing that boys (and yes they are really boys not men not males they only deserved to be called boys) play this sort of thing makes me feel very bad ass. I just got back from watching them play, and I laughed so much my stomach hurts. They are ridiculous! Watching them makes me feel better about myself because I don't look retarded, and makes me feel happy that I know people who do that.
Number Three: Rap music. Surprised? Yes I do listen to rap music. Not a lot, but enough to make me feel like a bad ass. Okay mostly just B.O.B, but I still feel awesome. It swears, talks about drinking and drugs, and is in general profane and makes me happy. I feel so boss sitting at home alone with no friends blogging and listening to rap. It is awesome and I have a life.
Number Four: Stay up late. For some reason reading until 1:30 in the morning still makes me feel rebellious and disrespectful. I know my parents don't even care anymore, but there is a part of me that says I am staying up past my bedtime.
Number Five: Swearing. Normally I look like a cute little teenage girl. I wear bows I my curly hair, cute dresses on my womanly frame, and cute flats on my not so girly feet, but I feel so bad ass swearing like a sailor. It freaks people out and I love it! But you should keep my foul language a secret because I am still putting on a good face for the authority figures in my life. They don't know the bad ass side of me.
Number Six: Last and certainly least, reading books and watching movies meant for adults. I am still not legally an adult, do I feel so bad ass when I read or watch things that use profane language and have adult content. I have been reading books that were above me age level since I was learned to read. It makes me like a bad ass for ignoring the age recommendation and more mature than people my age which makes me feel better than them. Two of my favorite feelings! So bring on those romance books and those rated "R" movies!
So there you have it! The things that make me feel like a bad ass. Some may seam silly to you, but keep those thoughts in you head because I have a key to the pool now and I am not afraid to go into you house at night tie you up take you to the pool and throw you in holding a brick. So dear readers keep living life and feeling like a bad ass!
Lindsey

Dancing in the Rain

Dear Readers,

"I was worried about getting wet, but then I said fuck it and danced in the rain."

I have a new life motto, dear readers, and that is it. I feel as if it is one of the only good things I have ever written or thought of (along with my poem "Life like mirrors, is hard and unforgiving.") Please don't dis my new motto. It may not be the most literary work of genius, but it is wonderful to me.
To explain my new life motto I need to start out with why it means so much to me. Today I graduated from high school. I am now officially done with high school. I walked across the "stage" (gym floor), shook some unknown mans hand, and received my diploma. I am done!! High school has been fun, but I am ready to move on. The next chapter of my life is beckoning me. The pull is so strong that I almost want to scream. I want to be done with high school and this life and some of my friends and everything, but I feel like high school is pulling down by the ankles. While my bright shiny future is out ahead of me I sit around fretting about useless shit that I should not care about. I have been so worried about what people think of me, what I think of others, what feelings I have towards others, and their feelings towards me. I  haven't realized that none, and I mean none, of this shit matters.
Let me just say, feelings are a bitch. When you think you have everything figured out the come into your heart and cause ruckus. They leave a nasty trail of regrets and fears that cause you to worry. What if he likes me? What if I like him? What if she likes him? What does what he said mean? Does it mean anything? I am sending double meanings?
Well you know what NONE of it matters. It doesn't! I am done with high school, I am done with these people, and I done with these feelings. Those bitches can just leave me alone. I need to stop worrying about what others and myself do and say.
And I have been telling myself that. I have been repeating the mantra L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N  in my head for the past few months, but it didn't hit me till today. It didn't hit me till I really stopped caring about something. Till I stopped worrying about getting wet and danced in the rain. It may sound foolish to you, but it stuck a chord in my heart. It made me stop and think. I need to stop worrying. I get wet, oh well clothes dry. I don't need to run to my back door to keep out of the rain. I dry. It will be okay. It is one thing to say you don't care and act like you don't care, but it is another thing completely to not actually care. To not worry about anything.
You know it feels good. It feels good to be done with high school. To be done with the people. To be done worrying. It feels so fucking fantastic to look at a situation and not have to worry about it. It may be as simple as not caring if you get wet. It may be as complex as your feelings towards a person of the opposite gender. Yet some how the complexity of the issue plays no part in how good it feels to not care. Hopefully some day, dear readers, you find this feeling. I wish with all of my heart that you stumble upon the same realization. I hope you can dance in the rain, with no one watching, no cares, and no regrets.
Your apathetic friend,
Lindsey

Happy and Productive?

Dear Readers,

I have been strangely productive today. Since I am not in school any more I would like to sit around and do nothing. I would love to sleep in late everyday, but for some reason my body has a different plan. I work up at 6:30 for some unknown reason. I took a shower, ate breakfast, made cupcakes, cleaned the kitchen, folded some laundry, and posted on my other blogs all before 11. At 11 I had a strange whim and went on a walk.
Last night I started reading a book for a book club I am in (which is meeting tomorrow and the 400 page book has to be finished tomorrow, by the way). It is called the Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl. I am liking it, but I am relating to it way to much. It is also making me want to go out and exercise and eat healthy. I am not so sure I like the affects of this book on me. So that is were the strange walking whim came from.
Also for some reason I have been filled with reckless abandonment this week. I am not sure if it is because I am done with high school and I want to push everything into this chapter of my life that I can. Or if I am afraid that college won't be any fun. Or if I am sick of being in school all day and now I just want to have fun. But what ever it is, it is kinda weirding me out. 
I am doing things that I normally don't do. Like go for walks for one. I enjoy being outdoors, but normally the bugs and sweatiness throw me off. For some reason though I found some paths at a park, and all I want to do now is be outside at the park.
And tonight I might do something really weird and go sleep on the golf course. For some reason I am filled with the desire to do things on my bucket list and fun things that aren't on my bucket list. So, dear readers, I am not really sure what is going on with me these days but I am acting weird. Hopefully this is only a phase; I don't know if I can be this happy and wistful for the rest of my life. Being as productive as I was today is also not me, so hopefully this doesn't last forever. Otherwise I won't know what to do with myself. Here are a couple unhappy thoughts for you though. Feelings are a bitch, and clean up your dog's crap, even if it is your yard because it smells awful.
So I guess there are somethings that still push my buttons, but I still am very happy, wistful, productive, and fun which is just not me. I will alert you, dear readers, if anything changes.
Lindsey

It's Tulip Time in Holland

Dear Readers,

I am soooooooooo done with school! It feels amazing! I have one week left before gradation. This weekend was my last Tulip Festival! It was fun but stressful and full of yummy fried food!

What is Tulip Festival? 

Well since you asked I will explain this strange tradition of my community. So this is the 72nd Tulip Festival. The 72nd year of musicals, parades, costumes, fried foods, fun times, and swollen feet.

I think I have mentioned it before, but the town I live next to, Orange City, is a very strong Dutch community. Many of the people who live in the town and the surrounding communities are of Dutch heritage.So every year on the third weekend in May Orange City has a Tulip Festival. The town is said to really come alive for those three days. (It is really true because the rest of the year it is really boring.) Each day of the festival has two parades. I march in both parades, so six in total. The band I march in wears wooden shoes when we march. For those of you who live under a rock or are retarded wooden shoes are shoes that are actually made out wood. It is a Dutch tradition. It think that they wore them in the fields because they would keep their feet from getting wet. So now I don't even know how many years later we still wear them. 

Not only does my band march in wooden shoes we wear authentic wool Dutch costumes in the middle of May. The uniforms are 50 years old. Hooray for 50 year old pit stains!! 

Besides being in the parades, I am part of a singing group called the Dutch Dozen. The Dutch Dozen also know as the Goodwill ambassadors for the community of Orange City was established in 1948 by the late great Mrs. Nottebaum.Because Dutch girls are known mainly for their pointed hats we choose to wear the authentic costume of Volendam. We add our own special touch by wearing bright orange shoes. Our accompanist is Mary Reinders. Our directors are Melody DeWitt, Julie Junke, Sharon Foughty, and Brande Pals. (That was the welcome in case you were wondering.)

So the Dutch dozen is basically just awesome. We sing, dance, and look cute. It is pretty legitimate. We do three half an hour performances a day. 10:30 11:30 and 4:00. We also wear wooden shoes for that. Our shoes for the show are bright orange because for a few songs we use black lights. Our apron which are mostly white, our hats, our shoes, and our brightly colored props look very nice with the black lights. 

Besides band and Dutch Dozen, I was in the night show this year. Every year the has been a different musical as the night show for Tulip Festival. This year it was My Fair Lady. Which is my favorite musical!!!!! So I tried out and made it as a street chorus member. Which was totally awesome and super fun! The show starts at 8 and normally runs till 11:30. 

So I arrived in Orange City at about 9:30 to get ready for Dutch Dozen and stayed until midnight. So I haven't slept much this weekend. Also being my last Tulip Festival I decided to have some fun and do some stuff after night show. Fun but not very wise decision... 

My feet are now swollen from wearing wooden shoes all day. Normally they do not hurt, but I had a shitty pair for band this year. So my feet killed from marching so it hurt to wearing my normal wooden shoes. That was not fun. 

Even though I am not Dutch the tradition of Tulip Festival has become a part of me, and it is sad to kiss it good bye. But there is soon to be a new chapter in my life. Next year I am hopefully going to culinary school. The drama, mean things said, and blisters will be long gone. I will miss this tradition, but I happy to be done. These bitter sweet occasions are so hard to handle. This chapter of my life is coming to a quick close, and as much as I want it to be done I want to savor of word till the end. I will miss the hot long days, the late nights at the musical, the funny pranks in Dutch Dozen, the tourist taking millions of pictures, the amazing fired food, the even more amazing authentic Dutch food, and yes I will even miss my wooden shoes. 

So next year on the third weekend in May when those wooden shoes are not coming out again my heart may cry out for the wooden shoes and happy hearts I once knew. It will be tulip time in Holland, and tulips will be calling me. I will long to tip toe threw the tulips once more. Some how I will survive. Some how I will smile. But for now I can do nothing but grimace with every painful swollen step. 

Lindsey 

ONE DAY MORE!!!!!!!!!

Dear Readers,

I am so CLOSE!!!!! I have ONE DAY MORE!!!!!!!!
This will probably be my last blog post from my lap top. I am sad that I am losing it. It feels like just yesterday I was at the assembly to get learn about proper care. I will miss you laptop!!!
But on a happier note. I have one day of high school left!!
Then I am so done with that hell hole!!
For graduation the senior choir members are singing One Day More from Le Mis, and I feel it is very appropriate for today. There is one day more. I of course will not be going into a revolution. Tomorrow I will not be marching to war.
But there is one day more before the rest of my life. I still have a couple weeks till I officially graduate, but once I leave that school tomorrow I am done with classes and grades and homework and all of the worry that high school entails.
I have one more day till the end of a chapter of my life. One more day till everything changes. After tomorrow we will discover what our God in Hevean has in store. One more dawn. One day more!
One more band practice. One more study hall. One more school lunch. One more 3:15. One more day.
I recomended the song One Day More for our senior song because we really have one day more. One day more till we are off on our own. One day more till we are forced to grow up. One more day till we go off into the world and discover what we are meant to do.
Yes, we do literally have more than one day. But this summer will go by in the blink of an eye. We have limited time till we leave.
This moment holds so much joy and sadness for me. I can't wait the leave all of these idiots that I hate, but I will miss the idiots that I actually like.
Currently I am just in a state of happiness mixed with a little sadness. But mostly I am so glad to be done soon. I am estatic. Overjoyed. Chipper. Cheerful. Thrilled. Jubilant. On Cloud Nine. Jolly. Delighted. Elated. Merry. Gay. Joyful. Peppy. Perky. Sprakling. Walking on Sunshing.
I am just so HAPPY!!!!!!!!!
So sorry I am not my normal angry, demeaning self. But somedays just make you want to smile!! And today is surely one of them.
ONE DAY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lindsey

Gradumacation Times

Dear Readers,

I just got back from a senior awards night. Yeah...............
Don't get me wrong I am SUPER EXCITED to graduate and to be DONE with school in 3 days, but these three days might kill me (or result in me killing someone.)
There are just many things around the gradumacation times that confuse me.
First. I assume that if you are going to college to be an English teacher you would know how to put things in alphabetical order. But maybe I ask to much of people. They always a super lame ass senior "video", which is really just a slide show of senior and baby picture put to really shitty music. Well my last name is near the end of the alphabet, but I am not that last person in my grade. There is a girl with the last name Woodard. My last name is Wohlgemuth, and should go in front of Woodard. But was I in front on Miss Woodard. No I was not. I was last. It is not that fact that I am last the puts my knickers in a twist; it is the fact that someone who should know who to use the alphabet got it wrong.
Second thing that pushes my buttons is the focus on sports in school. If you are not in sports in my school you are nothing. You basically don't exist. I applied for one scholarship for going into a vocational study, and I basically didn't get this award because the two girls that received it participated in sports. I am actually going into a vocational study. Culinary school in a vocational school. Going to a community college to get your nursing degree is not a vocational study. The girls who received the scholarship are nice girls, and this is not saying anything mean about them. I want to say something to that people who awarded that scholarship and many others, sports are not life. I exemplify the moral standards our school holds just as much as the people in sports. So dear reader if you ever have to award high school kids anything try and remember us speech nerds, band geeks, and quiz bowlers when you are deciding. Sports do not make you better then anyone else.
Third. Not everyone is special. I think I have said this before, but mostly everyone is average. C is an average grade, and if most people are average then they should be getting C's. There were so many people at the awards night who are graduating with honors. It makes the honor less of an honor. But hey I can not change the system and I am DONE in 3 days so whatever!
Read this and it will make you feel so much better about life. Oh, the Places You'll Actually Go. READ IT!!!! READ IT!!!!!
So feel better about yourself and graduating if you are graduating.
Lindsey

FOUR FREAKING DAYS

Dear Readers,

I have FOUR days left of high school. FOUR DAYS FOUR DAYS FOUR DAYS FOUR DAYS FOUR DAYS FOUR DAYS FOUR DAYS FOUR DAYS FOUR DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you couldn't tell by my exclamation points I am a little excited! I have spent four years in that hell hole and I am so excited to be done!!
FOUR DAYS!!!
I can't wait to be done!!
Of course I will miss my friends and my favorite teachers and some of my activities. But I want to be DONE!! I am sooooooooo close!!! So close to being done!!!
I just wanted to freak out about that for a little!! FOUR DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so close!
Well go on enjoying your life, even it isn't as awesome as mine because I have 4 days left of high school!
Lindsey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!